This fierocious team of dodgeballers clammed their way through ducks, dives, and dodges every Tuesday night in October to December.
Claudia recruited the individual players that became the team, Druken Clams. (Yes, that is correct. Our name is the bar on Family Guy-Sunday, 9pm, FOX). Collectively these troops took on the other teams in the Winter Drunken Dodgeball League of the New York City Social Sport Clubs Association.
Our record was fair. We ranked 7th going into the league-end tournament.
We played some ultra-competitive teams (who clearly had try-outs) and some not-so competitive teams (like those who consisted of mostly girls, and not-manly men).
The highlights of the season:
Recap Game 1:
(From Scott Schwartz)
Ladies and Gentleman....I know I missed week one and it sounded like it was a big moral victory...moral victories are nice but winning feels a whole lot better...lets clam it up, kick beer-tastics in the can, they thinkthere a bunch of drunks we'll show them our livers make Mickey Mantleslook like high school sprinter. Tuesday night thrillers, there patheticthe biggest thrill there going to get is sucking on our clam. Let's goout there and screw the moral victories and kick some shell
Recap of game 2:
(According to Claudia)
Drunken Clams we ended our three match losing streak with a strong victory against TNT. Great job! There are some special shout outs:
- Jason aka the cannon for proving he's an equal opportunity playerand nailing that poor defenseless girl in the head to end the game
- Maria for hitting her first player with a ball (unfortunately it was Dan in the back of the head)
- Claudia for finding Chris the only shoes in Manhattan where youcould step in dog poop and no one would noticeAll kidding aside great game.
-Townsley hurting his arm.... so now we have him a pulled calf muscle AND a pulled arm (?!)
-Schwartzy staying in it and winning the first game...
Recap Game 4:
(According to Scott Schwartz)
Good times and a good showing Clams...for those of you who couldn't make it or have been put on the DL you missed a classic team performance. The clams won 2 out of 3 matches with plenty of highlights and great performances. Plus we had bonus time where myself, Dan and Jacob played Price, Steve (I just can't call him Schwartz it seems wrong) and Weiker i'll let you guys figure out which team was victorious.
-Overall MVP: Maria Romas for proving who's the baddest one on one dodgeball player north of the Mason Dixon Line
-Best at taking balls to the face: No surprise to anyone Chris Price once again had balls banging against his chin
-Luckiest SOB award: Has to go to me, how in the world did none of those guys hit me? Almost pulled out the victory if it wasn't for that green shirted bastard who stole my glory
-Best moves of the night: Jaren and her holla hoop on the bar - If the UNICEF career doesn't work out you can always get a job at Red Rocks
Recap Game 5:
(According to Dan)
I got beat by a girl.....again.Everyone on our team professed their hate for that redheaded kid with the glasses on Cocked and Loaded. It was a good team building exercise for sure.I professed my love for the girl that had Beer-tastics on her butt - they went on to win all 3 games.Jaren took Price's role as....I believe the Native Americans say "Tu tank ey say wa" - Meaning "One who takes balls to the head, but bounces back up and doesn't cry like that one blonde haired chick did....I mean hysterically crying like her dog just got hit by a car." It's a loose translation.Anyways, we won 1 of 9 and have the playoffs next week. Should be hot.
Recap of the Final Tournament:
(According to Steve)
What started with a flourish of enthusiasm ended in a whimper. We lost in straight sets in the first round, in what seems fait accompli even before it started.
Drew, Maria, Jaren and I were the only 4 to show, however the last minute waiverwire pickup of Mike Brandt was a huge emotional boost.
We lived a clamtastic dream, but it wasn't meant to be. Maybe we should have tryouts next year, or stock the team with juicepigs from the gym, or get ourselves a girl with a dong... we'll see.
(...not to forget my second hit in the face, or rather the ear. All night my ear was ringing the not so sweet sound of moral defeat...)
So as the season clams off into the sunset, we are left with so many memories
- Intro (complete with star wipe)
- Shot of Claudia running making a nice catch
- Chris catching a ball with his face
- Dew dodges
- Maria throws
- Drew and Maria receive the perfect attendance ribbons
- Dan catches with a tear in his eye from the pain in his shoulder
- Mark cheers
- Jaren takes a ball off the side of the face, returning to the court moments later on determination, adrenaline and the roar of the crowd.
- The world experiences the double-barreled Schwartz, a dizzying assault of Semitic studliness
- Heartwarming shot of the entire team sitting together and laughing
- Outro (complete with star wipe)
Have a Clammy Christmas and a Happy Clamakauh everyone!
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